My experience with Fluoxetine/anti-depressants

Many years ago, I started taking Fluoxetine to control my depression and anxiety disorders. I got anorexia and constant headaches. I stopped medication after a year due to such effects. 

Thereafter, I stopped medication, and there were withdrawal effects. I did not have good sleep and I often get nightmares. My appetite still had not recovered. 

They affected my performance so adversely. I completed a degree which I had a low GPA, and I did not hold a job for the past six months. I am heading nowhere. The only place I can move ahead is doing another degree with less time pressures. I also consciously know I am virtually unemployable, so why not just do what I like?

I worry that people with autism may have a dim future. If he is thinking of higher education, let us be realistic, he has limited options. 

I hope he has no interest, or being pushed, to pursue a career in the financial service sector. I remember being pushed to pursue a career in this sector. 

I majored in accounting in University. My autism and anxiety issues, coupled with the after-effects of medication, made me unsuitable for a career in Accounting.

I prefer studying Geography, and I enjoy explaining spatial relationships between different places. But my parents (rightfully) pointed out I have grade C in 'A' Levels for H2 Geography, despite my A grade in the Preliminary Examinations for the subject. 

I believe I can do much better if I am given the opportunity to retake the examination papers. My struggle against Fluoxetine gave me no other option, other than to keep doing something I enjoyed doing for a long time.

Parents do not know it all - Part I (University)

I always make my point that parents do not know it all. They often push their children to things that they either do not like, or will put them in worse stead than before. They may not even fully understand what they are doing. I try to put ideas in perspective, but beware: they would challenge your assumptions you made for your child, if you are a parent.

There are a few aspects of parents not knowing it all. Parents have our own best interests in mind. They do not know all of the children's needs, though, because the children live in different societal contexts from the parents. Both parents and children have to adapt to each other.

One would them would be university.

Looking at financial projections in current employment markets, I am skeptical of the financial return of university, given the high costs of degrees and relatively low barriers to entry for these degree programs, as compared to 20 years ago (my parents' time). 

Degrees cost over $30,000 at the very least, and may cost as much as $300,000 in some universities. However, given that at least 20% of university graduates do not go to work, and an undisclosed number of graduates do not even work in the same field as the discipline as their major, I shudder to think the possibility of university as a blow job because it charges money, and holds no responsibility to its students with regards to its claims of 'better employment prospects'.

And yet, I am surprised most people, regardless of conditions, tell me that they go to university to 'earn more money'. I always bless myself when I hear it.

For neurotypicals (people with autism, they can be NTs for short), they should consider having a job first before considering further studies, to try tuning to employment conditions. I hear of accounting students commenting that they study the degree only because their boss want them to. This should be the case for most employees.

For people without autism, they would think university as a place where we acquire skills for higher paid, more sophisticated employment positions. Some would think of it as a place to attend sports matches together, party, drink and be merry. Their reason for attending university could be a structured setting for socialization, which could or could not be essential for them, depending on their aspirations in life and economic circumstances (i.e. are they, and their family, willing to pay all the way through university).

As someone with autism, I think university is a controversial issue. Parents either look at people with autism and think, they will not make it to university, so why bother, or they will just make the mad scramble to ensure their children with autism are in good positioning to be selected by universities, and they make the foolish assumptions that the university will 'take care' of their children. They do not think university as a social setting, given that autism is a social and communication impairment, isn't it? So why bother about the social part, when people with autism just go to university to acquire skills for advanced employment and eventually, societal standing?

This cannot be further from the truth.

But for employees and future employees with autism, do we simply accept that we are always on the bottom of the economic food chain? Do we accept the situation we will always be the lowest paid, in the lowest organisational hierarchy, and maybe even the most vulnerable to redundancies, no matter how hard we try? So do universities help us in terms of expanding our job skills, or doom us, because of our current assumption of 'communication skills'. which we have to attend Toastmaster's courses to 'prove' just these?

I am not too keen in 'sitting around at home and doing nothing'. I am even against it. I actively seek socially meaningful things to do that my family will support, such as seeking employment and attending suitable interviews, on top of doing household chores. If I know any Aspie doing so, and he is not under antidepressants etc. that render him unemployable, then we need to talk to him (or her) and hopefully persuade him to work.

As an alternative to conventional degree, for our interests, maybe we can consider doing online degrees. As a friend with Asperger's Syndrome says, 'do a degree because of your passion, not for a job or societal status'.

Building Together

We do have the potentials to make better best use of talents to build up our society together.

We want to expand our societal potentials, don't we? We want to have more friends and more wisdom in our lives, isn't it? We want to exert our wills independently without prejudice to the furthest frontiers we can reach, right? We seek out for higher aspirations in life together. Shutting out one person, just because of who s/he is or deemed to be, hurts the potentials of not just herself, but the community and society that she is in.

It is apparent to me each and every one of us have our gifts and talents, and together, we can build the place we live in for a better and stronger home.

I ask that we build a more caring and gracious society that is most nurturing and supportive of different abilities.

I can assure you with more affirmative encouragement in society, we will definitely be much better than what we are today. We can have a richer and wealthier society. We shall see more capable accountants, lawyers, artists, musicians, graphic designers, animators, and a myriad of different professionals and talents in our society, making us more diverse, vibrant and creative as a whole.

Only through meshing and blending of different abilities together, then we will see more friends, more resources for us all together, and a more sustainable society that will benefit all of us together.

We should focus, instead, on the gifts we can bring to our society.

Be positive :)

My parents are Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioners. They work all day and night for my living, so I think. Then I realize they have a few clients who have autism.

I hear from their parents; yes, parents, those who pay for alternative treatment and therapies for their children, they want their children to be 'cured' from autism. I know something is not right. Then I ask my parents, and they say I had been cured from autism, and I should not even think of this term.

Autism is not a negative label in its actuality. It is what it is - a medical diagnosis by a psychologist or psychiatrist. 

We only determine our value of life. It applies to people with autism, as well as people not on the Autism Spectrum - or, should I say, neurotypicals/NTs?

We may overcome many obstacles in life. Like not feeling comfortable with our surroundings. Or maybe not being able to be employed or have a steady relationship and live alone from parents, like what Eric Chen said as 'the Triad of Normality'. Or perhaps, not being able to control whatever we want, or not want, to function socially and verbally, even with the best of our efforts.

However, the lowest of troughs will eventually make the feeling of reaching the peaks of life more of a triumph. To reach the peaks, we have to put in effort, but we will never reach the peaks unless we have the intense focus to reach the top. It takes real hard work and dedication to reach there. To me, reaching the summit requires more than just relentless pursuit of success, it also means maintaining high spirits to keep pushing harder, make our hearts stronger, with more perseverance and resilience. 

And nothing brings more lasting power than a positive attitude at all times, at least, in my opinion.

I will probably not follow my parents' footsteps as even someone who may mislead my clients into thinking 'he will treat my child's autism'. I will, however, do my best to inspire fellow Auties and Aspies to be our awesome selves, and to keep the spirits of us and our parents high. 

This is why I will not see myself as a Traditional Chinese Practitioner or someone who may 'cure' autism, at least, for now. I hope I can not only think positively, but to inspire others like me to be optimistic with our outlook in life, too.

The Truth Shall Keep You Unemployed

If you were an Aspie, would you rather be unemployed all the time speaking the truth and being yourself, than to be sacked all the time and maybe be smeared for not revealing your autism to unsuspecting HR managers who did not do due diligence? Put it this way, should people with autism have 'integrity' to do 'the right thing', when odds are stacked against them?

Jobs, Autism and others in between

People tell me not to reveal my autism diagnosis when I apply for jobs, for it gives me unequal (presumably lower) playing grounds with others. I agree with their view, for I think it is negatively perceived as something which means, you can't handle something fast and good, you can't take pressure, you take medications - all of which I have to admit, with much patience and opportunities, do not happen to me now or in the future.

I would rather be sacked if they discover my autism, or put it this way, promoted slower than others do, than to be unemployed because I have autism. They can, and should, legally and morally do so. They can claim I have 'no integrity', because I had not fully disclosed my full diagnosis if they need it. They can use their high workload to disclaim themselves from liabilities, if I incurred some legal liabilities on the course of employment between me and those employers.

However, I shall persist in not telling people I have autism. I have more than autism. I have gifts and talents I can bring to any company. Autism is just part, not the entirety of, my being. But it's treated like as if Autism=Me. Then are they missing out of the full part of me, and are they getting the best out of what I have?

We should never even consider curing autsim

Let me be honest here:

I am anti-cure to the max.

I know the consequences of cure. I know. I have to, if I have to hustle and survive. 

My elder sister is a pediatrician while my parents are alternative medical practitioners. I am like the black sheep of my family. Curing autism will be the easy way out for them. They will be happy if they know there are more perfect genes for them to use, so that they can possibly add one more doctor to the world, and maybe both higher incomes and socioeconomic statuses to brag about every family gathering.

It is highly likely possible that when a cure is available, there will also be a genetic test for all mothers, similar to those used to detect Down's Syndrome and other genetic defects. Those babies with autism will definitely be aborted.

I thought God brought us autism so that He could teach us to love Him unconditionally, to be more loving in our lives, and to share and care for our child and others even more? 

Then I ask the mothers and fathers for the children: are you even ready to have a child in the first place? Do you really love the child as s/he is, or the possible future monies he gives you when you're old? (This is particularly true for Asians, for reasons we know too well). Do you love her as she is?

Listen, I do not want to have children because I fear she has autism. I am not even looking for a partner. I fear that my child will not have a brighter future than I do, and I don't know when the sufferings will end. Plus, there are too many babies born in my country right now. That's why she may has no future, why bring suffering to her?

If you want to support cures for autism, and you happen to be on the Autism Spectrum, it is fine with me. There is a difference between improving our social functioning or reducing our tics to feel better interacting with others (which most Aspies will immediately say 'yay', including me), and totally removing those autism genes from gene pool. If you want to 'kill' yourself and 'end sufferings' by wishing for that Autism cure, you probably will find it useful to go to Watts or West Auckland, so that you can be closer to violent crime, if you don't recognize how sacred life can be.

If you want to see your money literally washing down the drain with Autism Speaks, where one-third goes to line the rich directors' pockets, another third goes around to spread how 'useless' we Aspies and Auties are, and the last third to find the cure on Autism, then this is the epitome of dumbness. It is only fine with me, it only shows that you probably can't think better. Humanity has the propensity to waste money on useless crap anyway, like buying a house with a large-ass store room you seldom use.

(Note: If you want to stop the cure, you are probably better off supporting sports and recreational clubs for Aspies and Auties, at least this keeps them happy and healthy).

Curing autism, or avoiding people with autism, means that we are not willing to accept others unconditionally in our lives, let alone some helpless being waiting for your hugs and kisses. Even if there are cures, which I hope will not happen, I hope they are of a voluntary nature.

Given my intuition, though, this will never happen!