Wednesday, January 1, 2014

I confess

I confess:

I have some issues with my family, my society, and much more.

I have unemployment issues and much more problems of a personal nature, especially dealing with stresses in life. Let me just share a few.

I am unemployed. I am at a loss. My family asks me to do something I don't enjoy doing, and excluded out, like medicine or accounting. The stuff I enjoy doing have no 'foreseeable employable future' for now, like geography. Oh, why...?  

I worry I could not support my family. Even if I do not fulfill my responsibilities (which I am more than willing to take up, even when no one tells me to), I know my country has little provision for my family. And my parents may be victims of their successes thus far. My two elder sisters are working professionals, they can buy whatever they want and possibly support my sister. But then again, eventually, there will be a day when we accept that Asian paternalistic structure fails in our case; as me, the only son of the family, is expected to shoulder all family responsibilities for my family, even though I am less able to provide for my family than my sisters. Especially more so, as there is a numerus null clause in employment for the civil service in Singapore and, by extension, major corporations in Singapore providing sustainable jobs to support my family. I mean, no Aspies are allowed to be employed. We will have to accept this some day, and adjustment would be painful.

Then my society. I hear nothing from employers other than 'people with autism can only do backroom jobs', especially and particularly parents of people with autism. Then they go around and parade wherever they go, whenever they can, and say they are 'proud' of their children who have 'run 10km every day', eat '2 eggs' and 'butter', and most important of all, 'look strong so that they won't get bullied' suggesting that I look 'boyish'. You know very well that you must work in Singapore to survive. Indeed, most of us Aspies will have to resort to work like robots and slaves, out of sight, out of touch. Why can't we contribute to our societies fully with dignity, like perhaps working as doctors or lawyers?

And then, there is no place in the world where people are treated equally, and people are given opportunities to explore themselves. If there are such places, we'll definitely move there in an instant...

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